maybe

Messy.

I dont know what happened, but my life is in a mess right now.

Not with things that happen around me but with myself.

Is this call over-thinking? i dont know. i dont think so.

There are so many things i need answers to. My present and future. 

Even right now, im suppose to be studying. But im doing this.

So probably, instead of saying my life is in a mess, i should say my heart and mind is my a mess.

At times i think to myself, "i must be crazy lol" and at times i think, "shin, this is what you want, go for it." 

OK i know how it sound. but what really do i want? 

It has been MONTHS since i started this battle within myself. So do i really want it? Or will this feeling fade away soon? 

Seeking (life) answers isnt as simple. Infact, its difficult and tiring. Its not like finding x in a math equation or something. 

i dont know i dont know i dont know. help.

i must be insane.

-

Humans.

There are reasons why people hate people. Not hatred but hate to communicate/be close.

The thing is, this society is screwed up. People dont hate for a reason anymore.

Even when someone did worse than another person, they just wanna hate for the sake of hating. 

Some people hate because their friends hate the same person, ok i get it but i dont think this is any of your business. 

Why cant just people be open-minded and stop hating. Especially if you are hurting someone, stop. 

What i want to say is, we are all humans. We make mistakes, make people unhappy and blah blah but why is it up to you to choose that you hate a certain someone. 

I dont think you are any better. 

I live by a principle, "Love people who hate" (( yes God changed me ))

But the truth is, it is difficult to use this principle of mine to influence someone with so much hatred. I mean, how old are you? Is hating still a fun game for you?

The world is unfair, i know. i know it better than anyone else.

On the other hand, if we, humans, stop doing hurtful stuff then why would this world be unfair?

Ok, this is controversial, i know. whatever. 

-

What?

Ok, i might sound like a super mature auntie in this post but on a serious note,

Ive been thinking about things like "where do i go?" , " what should i do?" 

And ive been questioning about life. (( guess its because of o level stress ))

ok fine, i dont exactly feel "stress" but im stress because i dont feel stress.

Arent I suppose to be like "omg i need to study" but nope. didnt happen.

To be honest, its really because i dont know what i want with my life.

ive said that idk if my choice is right for life

and this is actually ruining me. 

what if im serious about my choice? thn i dont exactly have to study THAT hard. 

what if its really just a moment of crazy-ness? thn should i study hard? 

even now, i should be actually doing my homework but im just here, typing away.

You guys wont even know how frustrated i am right now. 

That feeling of wanting to do something and you're not doing it even though you know you can and you should.

Teachers always say "you need a goal, a dream, a passion"

PSST PLEASE. ITS NOT THAT EASY.

especially when you have stupid choices in your head and dont know whether you really want it or not.

I mean, if the chance is given to me RIGHT NOW (( about my choice )), i would definitely go for it. 

But the problem is, 2 years down the road, will i still want this? 

I dont have the power to go for it right now so if i wait, will this passion of mine fade?

What can i do to find out all the answers i need? 

I dont have the time to wait around. What exactly do i need to do.

You guys probably dont even find my post making sense. 

revamped

10 months.

Hey berries. WOW IT HAS BEEN SO LONG. 

Theres so much that happened while im gone. I created a new blog because my old one isnt working!!

My life was going up and down ever since. It was such a hard period for me right now. 

Its now the exam period and yes, im procrastinating, typing this blog post. 

-

Sometimes i just dont understand people. how can someone be so contradicting.

On the outside, they seem so loving and caring. 

But the things that they are doing totally contradicts what they say.

The worst is, you dont even know whether you could trust them.

But yet their words just draws you to them. 

Has any of you guys feel like you are so close to something but yet so far.

And whenever you just want to start living your life, something crops up and you start losing hope about everything?

Probably, im just not in a place where im suppose to be. everything seems like fake dreams.

Im just clinging on to nothing. and probably i should stand up and find a way to leave.

I know im not weak, im a strong girl. 

But sometimes there are things in life that even though its so minimum, it feels like something big to you. 

Even when someone holds you back with no sincerity, no nothing, you feel like you should actually stay. 

But in the end, everything just hurts so much.

Things i just typed probably doesnt even make any sense.

when you fall from somewhere low, it may break your bones. 

but when fall from somewhere high up, it ruins you.

Life.

Have (lots of) fun.

Hey guys! Holidays are here. Marks a start of bored-ness for me. 

So just a update of my life.. i will be going to upper secondary next year and i got into 2nd class instead of last. Its good and also bad tho. 

Ofcourse it is a good thing that i got Amaths and a second class but im afraid i cant cope with all the stress.

Im not a hardworking girl. 

Well so um, isn't really looking forward to anything this holiday. strict parents. fml. 

but somehow i am really looking forward to Christmas this year. i always loved christmas tho.

It is always at this point of time where i start looking back the year and start thinking and reflecting on myself alot. are you the same as me? haha.

Also, thinking about next year. i really dont want it to come. i know it will be so stress and all. and i dont want to leave my childish times(if you know what i mean). i really just hope everything will be smooth next year. a simple life i guess. Hope that i will grow closer to God too.

Many things are happening this year. Bad things. I dont really care of what happened but i really just hope everything would turn out fine through time. 

I know i shouldnt be ranting so much but theres likelots of stuff in my chest where i wish i could let out but i really dont know what are they. Sound absurd but its true. 

i should stop here. byebye (:

-

Lazy days.

Hi cupcakes, im back after one month? hahaha. back to update about my life.

Just ended end-of-year exam recently. My marks was a total disappointment.

Overall, i only got one A wish is really not what i expected. and plus its my streaming year!!

And so, i got no choice but to go to the last express class which is the "what the hell!?" 

Putting that aside, today i wanna talk about Friendship. 

  

I guess you know what im going to talk about already, yea? haha i dont know where to start.

That person who went through things with you but now we are no more than just classmates.

That person whom you use to hold hands became an unfamiliar hand.

That person whom you use to go when you're sad is no longer there for you.

That person who is always doing crazy stuffs with you are not going to anymore.

Its not your fault, its mine. And i hereby, sincerely, saying, SORRY. 

Sorry for talking about you, embarrassing you.

Sorry for not giving you time.

Sorry for acting like i own you.

Sorry that i left you.

But still, i guess you are happy with your new friends. (: 

 LXY♥

-

So young, so much mistakes.

hi, im back again. i realise i should post more about my daily life and stuff. So yea.

Recently i felt sooooo bipolar. Bad and good. 

I went to know God and somehow i feel that someone will be there listening to me.

Its good i guess. Thats not the point though. 

Ive learnt that,

A girl must learn to respect herself. Be classy like a women. Dont make yourself look bad infront of people by doing stuffs thats really.... yknow. Everyone have the rights to love. but dont overdo it and by overdoing it i mean asking the guy for stead or even talking to the guy who loves you but you hate. Sorry for judging but i just wanna teach you guys a lesson too. 

Remember girls, be a women with class. At least act like one. 

Secondly, saying others a bitch makes you one too. Hatred is normal in this world. I dont mind if you hate me but please, doing small actions to bring me down wont make you go up. Infact, you look like a immature children lack of food. Grow up please. I dont know what happen between us but seriously, I didnt do anything sorry to you guys. So you can either get facts rights or ask me in my face. Thankyou. 

Ok, short post for today. Shall end it here. Goodbye~